Good morning, my friends. I want to take a moment to discuss the 'starving bear' and his last desperate attack. What do I mean by this? I mean, there's a phenomenon commonly experienced when disengaging from our fear (bear) by not giving it any attention, not running from it, avoiding it, or overly engaging it, by which the bear eventually begins to wander off. It's as if we were starving the bear out. He eventually sees there's no food to get from us anymore, so he begins to leave.
At first, it's only for short periods, and then he returns to sniff around for food. He may roar or grow loudly, trying to intimidate us into giving him more food. After a bit more time and acceptance, the bear begins to wander off for longer and longer periods. Eventually, we begin to put our guard down, which is key in allowing our limbic system to deescalate and return to normal regulation.
However, we must keep ourselves together and not be taken by surprise. This is exactly what often happens. It's like the eye of a hurricane. It seems all peaceful and calm outside. People leave their homes thinking it's over, and then, BAM, they get hit by the other side of the wall! A similar thing happens with the bear. He will sneak back at some point and launch his most convincing (scariest) roar. He will try to convince you again of all those old fears, trying to convince you to feed him. Don't feed him. Now, right now, this could happen, so you're not taken by surprise.
This may happen a dozen times, but that's okay. Be patient. Make peace with it. You're starving him out, and he's not happy about it, but there's nothing he can do other than scare you. Let that bear (fear) be in the room. There's no way to lock him out, but... we do not have to feed him! Again. How do we feed him? Throughout actions, behaviors, responses, attitudes, and emotions. We feed the bear by trying to avoid him instead of temporarily allowing him to coexist with us. We feed the bear by running away from him. Remember this fundamental truth about the bear. The more we run, the faster he chases us!
We feed the bear by becoming overly emotional, hating our situation, crying, and angry. We feed the bear through resistance (non-acceptance). Perhaps the most delicious food we offer the bear is our rumination. This is the bear's favorite meal! It's like salmon to the bear. The more he scares you, the more you feed him. That is the mechanism before us, my friends. Focus on what you can do to help your situation. Try and work to change your relationship and perception of the bear over time. And this will certainly take time, so be patient. Patience, as they say, is a virtue. So is love. So is acceptance. So is courage and faith. You have more tools in your belt than you may realize. Let's use them.
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